Turning a group into a community

Jog Derbyshire groups are well known for their friendly and welcoming atmosphere, where everyone is celebrated and encouraged. We are always looking for ways to support one another and help each other learn. Even in the project's 17th year, we continue to hear inspiring stories of groups coming together to make a real difference in people's lives and time and time again, the groups become much more than places to be active, they become supportive communities, providing a welcoming environment where every member feels valued and included.

Here, Shaun (name changed at request) shares his experience and reflects on what being part of a Jog Derbyshire group has meant to him.

“I saw my local Jog Derbyshire group on facebook. I enjoy jogging and liked the idea of it, mostly for safety as the nights were getting darker and I didn’t feel all that comfortable going out on my own. I also wanted to lose some weight and try to gain a bit of confidence socially.

I thought about going for a long time, months, but I kept talking myself out of it. I worried that I wouldn’t fit in, or know where I was going, or that I wouldn’t be able to keep up with everyone else. But if I’m honest, my biggest fear had nothing to do with running. I was terrified that I’d be introduced in front of a crowd, or even worse, have to say something myself.

Every time I looked at the group’s Facebook page, I saw photos of big groups of people smiling in bright tops, clearly having a great time. It looked fun, but for someone who lacks confidence and overthinks things, it felt incredibly intimidating. As much as I wanted to join, it was along way out of my comfort zone.

However, I took the plunge and decided to go for it. I was very nervous the first time I went to a session. When I got there, I could see groups of people chatting and laughing together, it looked like everyone knew each other. I sat in my car for a while, watching them, while rehearsing answers to questions that I might be asked trying to prepare for every possible conversation. I was tempted to drive away. In fact, I very nearly did but someone spotted me and came over to ask if I was joining them. I couldn’t really turn back then.

At the time, it was terrifying, but looking back, I’m so grateful that person took the time to come over and say hello. They helped me take those first few steps out of the car and into a group that has become a big part of my life.

The group was busy and noisy, there were lots of conversations happening, it was clear that people enjoyed being there. But it felt overwhelming and put me on edge.

I spotted the run leader pretty quickly thanks to their leader's shirt, but I didn’t want to bother anyone or make myself known. So I lingered nearby, trying my best to look casual and hoped no one spotted me. I felt completely out of my depth.

I chose to join group that was running four miles. I didn’t know that it was the busiest group of them all. The route was lovely, the leader was knowledgeable and really encouraging, and everyone I met was friendly. It was all great but I was working incredibly hard just to keep up with everything going on around me. People ran close to me which I don’t like, and there was constant chatter. It was a no stop stream of noise and activity.

By the time I got home I was completely exhausted, not from the jogging but from the effort of masking how overwhelmed I’d felt. It had been enjoyable in many ways. The people were great, I’d completed the run, and taken a huge step outside my comfort zone. But at the same time, it had been a huge sensory overload. Everything, from the noise and movement to the closeness of so many people, it had felt too intense.

I decided to go back the next week but this time, I chose to run with one of the smaller groups. They weren’t doing as many miles as I wanted to but I hoped that a smaller group might be better for me. Instead of running alongside most of the others, I hung back and tried to jog on my own, so I was still with them but in my own space.  The distance helped and I could still enjoy the route and the security of being with other runners, but without the pressure of constant conversation or having people close by on all sides.

I carried on like this for a few weeks, keeping to the back of the group and running in my own space. Then, one evening, a co-leader came and ran alongside me. As soon as they did, I felt a sense of dread that I would have to make conversation that I wasn't prepared for. But instead of talking they just ran beside me. They didn't try to fill the silence with small talk. They didn't bombard me with questions or make me feel like I needed to explain myself. They were just there. It might seem like a small thing, but to me it meant a great deal.

At the end of the session, I asked their name and thanked them for their company. Over the following weeks, the same thing happened. We would run together, sometimes talking a bit and sometimes not at all. Because there was never any pressure, I gradually found myself feeling more at ease.

The co-leader suggested that I might get more from one of the slightly quicker groups that ran a little further and because we had built some trust I felt comfortable enough to explain why I was in the smaller group. I told them that it wasn't really about the distance or the pace and explained how autism affected me in a group setting, how being surrounded by lots of people and conversations could feel overwhelming, and how I often needed more space and time than others.

What made such a difference was the co-leader's willingness to understand. They didn’t have a great understanding of Autism but they recognised that my experience of the group was different to most, and they wanted to learn more. They asked some questions and genuinely wanted to know what they and the wider group could do to support me and to find ways to help me continue taking part.

It's difficult to fully explain what it feels like to be me. Autism affects so many parts of how I experience the world, from noise and social situations to how much energy it can take to be somewhere that is busy. I don't expect everyone to completely get that, because unless you've been there yourself, it can be hard to understand.

I talked about some of the things I find hard, like at the start of a session there is often so much information being shared that I struggle to take it all in, and how anxious I feel when plans change. Something as simple as meeting in a different location, if it's somewhere unfamiliar, I I get increasingly worried for days beforehand about finding the right place, arriving at the right time, or getting something wrong.

I also told them that I was concerned that staying away from the group and my sometimes short answers could be seen as being rude.

The co-leader, with my permission, spoke to the other leaders about some of the things we had discussed.

The leaders set up and invited me to join a WhatsApp group where they put all the session information that I and others might need ahead of time. They included routes, leader information, meet points, session descriptions- everything I’d asked for but because of the size of the group there was lots of chatter and questions both pre and post runs. I ended up leaving the group as I found it too much. Things can still feel too noisy even in a digital world.

When I explained why I had left the WhatsApp group, the leaders were really understanding. It wasn't the people or the content that was the problem, the group was friendly and supportive, but the constant stream of messages, notifications and conversations was too much for me.

So they began posting the same information on their closed Facebook group, including session details, meeting times, routes and information about which leaders would be attending. For me, that small change made a huge difference. Facebook allowed me to get the information in my own time. I could log in when I felt ready, read through the details carefully, and come back to them as many times as I needed. Without feeling pressure to reply and keep up with conversations. If there was a route I wasn't familiar with or something I was unsure about, I could ask questions at my own pace and privately.  

Having access to information ahead of time helped reduce a lot of my anxiety. Instead of worrying about where we would be meeting, who would be leading, or whether there were any changes to the session, I could prepare myself in advance. It made attending much less stressful. What I thought was particularly good was a ‘meet the team’ post they did so I was able to put a face to the name of each leader.

Over time I was able to move into the next group and improve my running and fitness. The pace was a little quicker, and the routes were longer, which suited me much better. I did still stay towards the back and a little way away from the main group. But the difference was that people now understood. I didn’t feel self-conscious about it anymore or worry that others might think I was being unfriendly. It was just accepted as the way I took part.

Another thing that really helped was that the same co-leader who had first come and run beside me in silence in the early days also moved into the next group with me. By then, we had built a trusted relationship and they had taken the time to get to know me and to learn about the challenges I faced. That made a big difference. I’ve spent most of my life on the edge of things never really feeling like I truly fit in but knowing that there were people within the group who genuinely cared and wanted me to succeed gave me a sense of belonging that I hadn't expected to find.

No one questioned whether my difficulties were real or dismissed them as insignificant. Instead, there was a genuine willingness to listen, learn and consider what could be done differently. It made me feel valued and respected. And because of the understanding of the group and the adjustments that were made I feel ok to just be myself now. I have progressed, grown in confidence, and feel like a part of the group.”

Being part of a community isn't about everyone being the same. It's about people looking out for one another, respecting each other's differences, and making space for everyone to feel welcome. The willingness of people to learn and support others is what helps turn a group into a community.

Jog Derbyshire and Walk Derbyshire will be hosting Neurodiversity Awareness training on Monday 16th November 7-8pm and Wednesday 18th November 1.30-2.30pm.